PLAY ON WORDS

• ARBITRATOR: A cook who leaves Arby's to work at McDonalds.
• Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
• AVOIDABLE: What a bullfighter tried to do.
• Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
• BERNADETTE: The act of torching a mortgage.
• BURGLARIZE: What a crook sees with.
• Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by men.
• Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.
• CONTROL: A short, ugly inmate.
• COUNTERFEITERS: Workers who put together kitchen cabinets.
• ECLIPSE: What an English barber does for a living.
• Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
• EYEDROPPER: A clumsy opthalmologist.
• Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
• Flatulence (n.), A smelly British apartment.
• Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
• Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavored mouthwash.
• HEROES: What a guy in a boat does.
• LEFTBANK: What the robber did when his bag was full of money.
• Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
• MISTY: How golfers create divots.
• Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absent mindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
• Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
• PARADOX: Two physicians.
• PARASITES: What you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower.
• PHARMACIST: A helper on the farm.
• Pokemon (n), a Jamaican proctologist.
• POLARIZE: What penguins see with.
• PRIMATE: Removing your spouse from in front of the TV.
• Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by
  proctologists.
• RELIEF: What trees do in the spring.
• RUBBERNECK: What you do to relax your wife.
• SELFISH: What the owner of a seafood store does.
• SUDAFED: Brought litigation against a government official.
• Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
• Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.