Top Ten Tips on Winning a Spite and Malice League Championship

10. Make sure you have no distractions, i.e. kids, animals, friends IMing you, phone calls, the doorbell ringing. Granted not all of these things can be avoided unless you, well basically, ignore everything. Works for me!

9. Always be courteous to your opponent. It doesn't hurt to whine about how you never win...they might just be in a giving mood that day. But don't whine too much or you'll just irritate them and they'll want to end the match as quickly as possible with NO MERCY!

8. Don't be so anxious to play all your cards in your hand. Hang on to those cards to build runs to play your side card AND to block your opponent...especially if it's early in the game and the center cards are all the same.

9. Don't waste wilds unless you really have to...again...if the center cards are all the same (for example, they are all aces) and your opponent has a 6 in his/her side pile and
you have an 8 in yours, but in your hand you have one wild and the cards to block but no 7 to play your side card.... don't do it. Hold out to see if you can pick up the card you
need to block AND play your side card. Remember, you'd be wasting a wild when the center piles contain the same card across the board, and you may not get the card you
need the next time around. You would have wasted not only your wild, but also the cards you have to lead up to playing your side card.

8. Don't be nervous when you're playing against someone who you think you can't beat. It will only cause your hand to shake and may cause you to put your card on the wrong
center pile.

7. Never, ever tell your opponent they are just plain lucky. The cards can turn around in a blink of an eye and then you will be eating your own words.

6. Against popular belief, hosting a game or being the remote in a game does NOT give you an advantage. Playing this game involves strategy, timing and a little help from the deck. Yes, I said timing.....timing when to play cards and when not to. But if you and your opponent hang onto cards for too long, expect a stalemate.

5. Do not play a match if you have had way too much to drink or are under the influence of medication (legal or not). This will only cause you frequent trips to the bathroom, blurred vision, excessive chatting in ALL CAPS, slow playing and possible passing out at the keyboard.

4. Always play your side card at all times. Do not sit on it. You can't win the game unless you get rid of them. So why would you not play it? UNLESS playing it would allow your opponent to go out. That is a no-brainer.

3. If the cards just aren't going your way, just tell your opponent that you'll be right back. Get up, take a deep breath, and just let out a big yell. You'll feel much better
and when you go sit back down, your cards will be better..... if not, like I said...you'll feel much better.

2. It always helps to talk to the deck nicely or by cussing at it....your choice. BUT talking nicely to the deck may cause the cards to move more in your favor than your opponent's. For example, "come on 4, please come on 4" OR "come on you @#$^&*! 4" The first example would hopefully get you better results. The second example might cause you to have to put out $2,000 for a new computer IF you don't get that @#$^&*! 4.

And the #1 tip for winning a Spite and Malice League Championship is:

Never, ever give up! Have fun and don't take it too seriously. It's just a game, after all.