The Twelve Days
After Christmas Poem
or how to keep your sense of humor during the holiday season
The SpiteNET League
December 2003 - Round
1
The Twelve Days
After Christmas Poem
or how to keep your sense of humor during the holiday season
for lots of holiday humor, visit: http://www.dezert-rose.com/humor/christmas/ This round
has finished
Click here for Round 2 The top two players from each
group advance to round 2
The Partridge Group
graphics from http://www.quiltime.com/downloadC2002.html
In the tables below the columns stand for:
Player = The name of the player
ID = The Player ID for the player
M = Number of Matches played
W = Number of matches Won
L = Number of matches Lost
S = The Score (The total number of GAMES won within each match minus the total number of GAMES lost within each match)
Contact me: online@spitenet.com
The first day after
Christmas
My true love and I did fight
And so I chopped the pear tree down
and burnt it, just for spite
I couldn't stand that damn bird's cries
so I took a single cartridge
I accidentally shot his foot
while aiming at the partridge. Player ID M W L S
Bo 106 4 4 0 8-2
BorisDexter 192 4 2 2 6-6
Faye 113 4 2 2 5-6
Eddie 238 4 1 3 5-6
Kathy H 110 4 1 3 3-7
| Bo | BorisDexter | Kathy H | Faye | Eddie | |
| Bo | 2-1 | 2-0 | 2-0 | 2-1 | |
| BorisDexter | 1-2 | 2-1 | 1-2 | 2-1 | |
| Kathy H | 0-2 | 1-2 | 2-1 | 0-2 | |
| Faye | 0-2 | 2-1 | 1-2 | 2-1 | |
| Eddie | 1-2 | 1-2 | 2-0 | 1-2 |
The Turtle Doves Group
The second day after
Christmas
I pulled on rubber gloves
And very gently wrung the necks
Of both the turtle doves
On the third day after Christmas
My mother caught the croup
And so I used the three French hens
To make some chicken soup
| Player | ID | M | W | L | S |
| Caz | 196 | 5 | 4 | 1 | 9-4 |
| Dollie | 117 | 5 | 3 | 2 | 7-5 |
| Tapper | 115 | 5 | 3 | 2 | 7-5 |
| Marcia | 168 | 5 | 2 | 3 | 5-7 |
| Minnie | 118 | 5 | 2 | 3 | 4-7 |
| Esterita | 237 | 5 | 1 | 4 | 4-8 |
| Caz | Tapper | Dollie | Minnie | Marcia | Esterita | |
| Caz | 1-2 | 2-1 | 2-0 | 2-0 | 2-1 | |
| Tapper | 2-1 | 1-2 | 2-0 | 0-2 | 2-0 | |
| Dollie | 1-2 | 2-1 | 2-0 | 2-0 | 0-2 | |
| Minnie | 0-2 | 0-2 | 0-2 | 2-1 | 2-0 | |
| Marcia | 0-2 | 2-0 | 0-2 | 1-2 | 2-1 | |
| Esterita | 1-2 | 0-2 | 2-0 | 0-2 | 1-2 |
The Calling Birds Group
The four
calling birds were a big mistake
their language was obscene
The five golden rings were completely fake
and turned my fingers green.
The sixth day after Christmas
The six laying geese wouldn't lay
So I sent the whole darn gaggle to the
A.S.P.C.A.
On the seventh day thereafter, what a mess I found
Those seven swans-a-swimming all had nearly drowned.
| Player | ID | M | W | L | S |
| Sharon | 195 | 5 | 5 | 0 | 10-0 |
| Kathy G | 180 | 5 | 4 | 1 | 8-4 |
| Shutlbug | 164 | 5 | 2 | 3 | 5-6 |
| Terri | 101 | 5 | 2 | 3 | 5-8 |
| Mlg 1 | 184 | 5 | 1 | 4 | 4-8 |
| Shirley | 171 | 5 | 1 | 4 | 2-8 |
| Kathy G | Sharon | Shirley | Shutlbug | Mlg 1 | Terri | |
| Kathy G | 0-2 | 2-0 | 2-0 | 2-1 | 2-1 | |
| Sharon | 2-0 | 2-0 | 2-0 | 2-0 | 2-0 | |
| Shirley | 0-2 | 0-2 | 0-2 | 0-2 | 2-0 | |
| Shutlbug | 0-2 | 0-2 | 2-0 | 2-0 | 1-2 | |
| Mlg 1 | 1-2 | 0-2 | 2-0 | 0-2 | 1-2 | |
| Terri | 1-2 | 0-2 | 0-2 | 2-1 | 2-1 |
The Dancing Ladies Group
On the
ninth day after Christmas
my nerves were surely frayed
The milking maidens went on strike
for they had not been paid.
Those so-called ladies and pipers
gorged on cheese and porgy
My house smells like a brothel and
the cops broke up their orgy.
| Player | ID | M | W | L | S |
| Bren | 204 | 5 | 5 | 0 | 10-3 |
| DarkRedEagle | 183 | 5 | 4 | 1 | 9-4 |
| Rebecca | 240 | 5 | 2 | 3 | 5-6 |
| Maria | 219 | 5 | 2 | 3 | 4-6 |
| Betty | 202 | 5 | 1 | 4 | 4-8 |
| Bonnie | 215 | 5 | 1 | 4 | 3-8 |
| Bren | DarkRedEagle | Betty | Bonnie | Maria | Rebecca | |
| Bren | 2-1 | 2-1 | 2-0 | 2-0 | 2-1 | |
| DarkRedEagle | 1-2 | 2-1 | 2-1 | 2-0 | 2-0 | |
| Betty | 1-2 | 1-2 | 2-0 | 0-2 | 0-2 | |
| Bonnie | 0-2 | 1-2 | 0-2 | 2-0 | 0-2 | |
| Maria | 0-2 | 0-2 | 2-0 | 0-2 | 2-0 | |
| Rebecca | 1-2 | 0-2 | 2-0 | 2-0 | 0-2 |
The Drummers Group
On the
twelfth day after Christmas
Before they could suspect
I bundled up the
Eight maids-a-milking
Nine ladies dancing
Ten lords-a-leaping
Eleven pipers piping
Twelve drummers drumming - well, actually I kept one of the cute drummers -
And sent them back collect.
What was that fool thinking,
when my ex-true love sent those stupid gifts to me?
| Player | ID | M | W | L | S |
| Donna | 120 | 4 | 4 | 0 | 8-1 |
| Jane | 232 | 4 | 2 | 2 | 5-4 |
| pjdeaf | 239 | 4 | 1 | 3 | 5-7 |
| Karen K | 221 | 4 | 2 | 2 | 4-5 |
| satchpatch | 236 | 4 | 1 | 3 | 2-7 |
| Jane | Donna | satchpatch | Karen K | pjdeaf | |
| Jane | 0-2 | 2-0 | 2-0 | 1-2 | |
| Donna | 2-0 | 2-0 | 2-0 | 2-1 | |
| satchpatch | 0-2 | 0-2 | 0-2 | 2-1 | |
| Karen K | 0-2 | 0-2 | 2-0 | 2-1 | |
| pjdeaf | 2-1 | 1-2 | 1-2 | 1-2 |
Xmas Riddles
What do elves learn in school?
[The Elf-abet!]
What was so good about the neurotic doll the girl was given for Christmas?
[It was already wound up.]
Did you hear that one of Santa's reindeer now works for Proctor and Gambel?
[Its true, Comet cleans sinks!]
Mom, can I have a dog for Christmas?
[No, you can have turkey like everyone else.]
Who is never hungry at Christmas?
[The turkey, he is always stuffed.]
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
[Claustrophobic.]
What do you get if you cross Father Christmas with a detective ?
[Santa Clues!]
What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
[Snowflakes.]
Why does Scrooge love Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer?
[because every buck is dear to him.]
What do you get if you deep fry Santa Claus?
[Crisp Cringle.]
Why is Christmas just like a day at the office ?
[You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.]
What do you get if you cross an apple with a Christmas Tree?
[A pineapple.]
What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
[It's Christmas, Eve!]
If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get?
[Missletoe!]
If Santa Claus and Mrs. Claus had a child, what would he be called?
[A subordinate claus.]
Just before Christmas, there was an honest politician, a kind lawyer and Santa
Claus traveling in a lift of a very posh hotel. Just before the doors opened
they all noticed a $5 bill lying on the floor. Which one picked it up??
[Santa of course, the other two don't exist!]
What do you have in December that you don't have in any other month?
[The letter "D"!]
Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
[Because he had low elf esteem.]
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
[Frostbite.]
The 3 stages of man:
1) He believes in Santa Claus.
2) He doesn't believe in Santa Claus.
3) He is Santa Claus.
What if it had been three Wise Women instead of three Wise Men?
[They would have asked directions,
arrived on time,
helped deliver the baby,
cleaned the stable,
made a casserole,
and brought practical gifts.]
One Christmas I got a battery with a note saying, "Toy not included."